Suzie Chick

Happy Summer all! 

I am off on my hols for a little rest and as with past years, my piece this month is a review of some of the books that have been keeping me curious this year. I hope you find these enlightening. Have a great summer folks! x

Office Politics by Oliver James

The cover of this book depicts the three personality types which make up “the Dark Triad” this being the narcissist, psychopath and Machiavelli. And the first part of the book is dedicated to explaining these types and how best to manage them.  James explains that narcissists are the easiest to manage of the three as they respond well to flattery. Interestingly James devotes a whole chapter to how all three personality types suffer from intense imposter syndrome.

However, the majority of the book is more about developing your own skill politically at work which is far more useful and empowering in my opinion (let’s not give the dark triad more attention than they deserve I say)!

James identifies four components of office political skill, these being astuteness, effectiveness, networking and the appearance of sincerity. James explains that ability, integrity and conscientious are simply not enough to negotiate your way through office politics. 

Having worked in a high-pressured office environment for many years before becoming a therapist, I agree with James here.  I have witnessed incredibly smart and capable individuals struggle to get the value they deserve at work because of a lack of astuteness needed to negotiate the political environment. And vice versa, I have seen less skilled people move very quickly up the corporate ladder as their strengths lean towards networking and being astute to the complex dynamics at play.  

As James confirms perception of performance is more important than actual contribution. Although I tend to agree with James, I do find his advice quite disheartening. This book was first published just over 10 years ago, and I wonder if an update would be more positive and kind (or maybe I’m just being over optimistic).

The subtle art of not giving a f*ck by Mark Manson

I was recommended this book a few years ago by a client and promptly went out and bought it and left it neglected on my shelf for many years (typical me).

I think what stopped me reading this book was the swearing in the title, I found it a tad aggressive if I’m honest. Another client has mentioned the book more recently and I thought ok I’ve got to this an overdue read. And I have been pleasantly surprised.

Manson clearly knows what he’s talking about and weaves incredibly personal narrative throughout to prove his points. His style of writing is easy to grasp, and I didn’t find this a struggle to read. He offers good practical advice and doesn’t mince his words (the title gives you a little preview of this). 

I really appreciated Manson’s viewpoint on negative experiences and how we shouldn’t shy away from them, “… Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance…the avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering.”

Manson doesn’t advocate for a laissez faire attitude to life about all things, it’s more about cultivating discernment to know the things you do care about and the things you don’t care about. “Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what’s truly f*ck worthy.”

I particularly enjoyed one of his chapters entitled “You are always choosing.” Something that is tough for us to swallow sometimes, but necessary for our growth, is to take responsibility for the way we experience life and its many ups and downs. He relates this back to his experience of being rejected in an intimate relationship and deciding to take responsibility for his own emotions and to chose better values to live by. 

He concludes with the chapter “…And then you die.” which aligns with the existential idea that the concept of death is what’s saves us while we are alive, he writes “death is the light by which the shadow of all of life’s meaning is measured.” 

Despite my early judgments, I really enjoyed this book and have highlighted many parts for future reference, a tacit sign of approval (am sure Mark will be pleased)!

Mothers – An essay on love and cruelty by Jacqueline Rose

I have tried to read this book several times in the past and it’s never fully held my attention. I do wonder if it’s the subject which I might be struggling with and/or avoiding.

So, with trepidation I gave this book another go! 

I did manage to get through it, but I can’t say I massively enjoyed it. Jacqueline Rose, an academic and psychoanalyst,writes well on the topic of mothers and how they are viewed in society, both modern and old.  She dissects the myths and pressures surrounding motherhood, exposing how these narratives can lead to profound emotional strain and psychological turmoil. She draws upon an array of sources, including her own personal story of adopting a child from China and the writings of Elena Ferrante.

Rose explores the duality of motherhood – the simultaneous capacity for boundless love and potential for cruelty. Rose does not shy away from addressing the darker aspects of maternal experience, including societal blame and the internalized guilt mothers often carry. In “Mothers,” Rose advocates for a more compassionate and realistic understanding of motherhood, one that acknowledges both its joys and its burdens. She calls for a societal shift that embraces maternal vulnerability rather than condemning it. This is a war cry for mothers everywhere!

However, I did find several of her points quite laboured (excuse the pun) and felt the book could be made stronger by being a fair bit punchier in places.  When she did talk about her personal experience, I was most invested in the book, as opposed to her writings on history and literature. I sense my difficulties with this book have been personal on my part. And for that I can only apologise to Ms Rose and congratulate her on a stimulating read. 

Keanu Reeves is not in love with you by Becky Holmes

You have to give it to Becky; the title of her debut is a great one and certainly got my attention as I was scrolling online for something new to read. 

As a former fraud investigator, I have a special interest in romance scams and have been an avid listener to some fabulous podcasts on the subject (check out “Love Bombed” and “Love, Janessa” on the BBC Sounds app). This book is a deep dive into the world of romance fraud which the author slightly fell into writing after going viral during lockdown with her outrageous responses to scam accounts. 

Don’t let the title of the book fool you into thinking this is a just a big joke. Becky takes the subject of romance fraud very seriously and includes lots of in-depth research (including conversations with the fraudsters themselves) and heart-breaking real-life experiences. One of the many aspects I learnt is how little support there is available for people experiencing this type of fraud.  So, books like this which help lift some of the shame and stigma around these experiences can only be a good thing. Reading this book although very entertaining has a serious undertone about the damage these frauds can cause people, not just financially but also psychologically. 

While reading this book, I was followed on Instagram by no less than three fake Keanu accounts which I found hilarious and a little scary (how did they know)? Wisely I didn’t follow any of the wannabe Keanu’s back. 

Photo by Dan Dumitriu on Unsplash