Suzie Chick

“A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction” Virginia Woolf

Many years ago, when I first started training as a psychotherapist, I was slightly obsessed with watching the TV series, “In Treatment”.  The show consists of real time fictional therapy sessions between clients and the same therapist (Paul Weston played by Gabriel Byrne). One of the reasons I enjoyed the show was how we got to intimately know Paul’s home office where his clients visited him each week.  The room was tastefully decorated, cosy enough to feel at ease but not domestic enough to forget the work at hand. It was a space which I aspired to have.

Courage, mon brave!

It has been a long burning ambition of mine to have a similar consulting room of my own for my practice. I have predominately rented rooms by the hour in my career but just before Covid I took the leap (and a big risk) to commit to a long-term lease for my own office space. Alas due to Covid and the pretty scandalous behaviour of my big business landlord, my first attempt to have a room of my own failed miserably. I was left feeling pretty disheartened and deflated. 

It’s taken quite a few years since then to find the courage and confidence to take the leap once more! As Carl Jung wrote “only boldness can deliver us from fear”. And so with slight trepidation and many fingers and toes crossed I committed to another lease early this year for my own space. It’s early days still, but the whole process has been not only incredibly different from my shambolic first attempt but also a tad cathartic. I’ve had to confront the ghosts of my earlier failure (and the shame and fear I’ve felt) in order to venture forth once more. 

With space, comes ideas.

Virginia Woolf, in her essay entitled “A Room of One’s Own” writes about the necessity for women writers to create their own space; a room where they might enjoy agency (hence the quote above). 

She also writes (using the metaphor of fishing) of a woman whose thought had “let its line down into the stream”. As the woman starts to think of an idea, a guard enforces a rule whereby women are not allowed to walk on the grass. Abiding by the rule, the woman loses her idea. 

This important thought from Woolf resonates for me. Ideas are precious and can be so easily squashed by practical thoughts before the idea has had a chance to develop. My wanting for a space of my own has been an idea that I’ve held (or fishing for) for many years but through my own inner rules (or scripts) I dismissed it and stopped it becoming a reality. And now with a space of my own, more ideas as to how to use this opportunity are coming to me (and again I need to be aware of “killing off” these ideas before they have a chance to be really known).  To be aware of my own inner guard enforcing rules with keep my rigid and stuck.

The therapy room as temenos

The Greek word temenos refers to a piece of land separated from the everyday landscape to create a sacred space. This space can be devoted to deities, kings etc but also used for personal transformation. The boundaries of this space are key in order to contain and protect the energy within. This concept of Temenos holds great resonance for me when I consider the space which I have created. The therapy room is absolutely a temenos. A physical space cut away from the everyday world outside, a space for sanctuary and healing.  Carl Jung related temenos to the magical space created between therapist and client where the work takes place.  Jung described temenos as, “a means of protecting the centre of the personality from being drawn out and from being influenced from outside.” This magic space is experienced as a safe space for personal unfolding to occur. 

Claiming space

The physical space we occupy can very much reflect our psychic space. How comfortable are we to claim our space, to take up space, to not shrink or withdraw into the background of our own lives? How does this play out in the way we occupy physical spaces? 

I often think about meeting my clients face to face (IRL as the youngsters call it), noticing how they sit on the sofa or chair for their session. For example, some perch on the edge, remain quite rigid and still, especially at the start of our work together. They seem too fearful almost to make an indentation on the seat, taking up as little space as possible. Over time I often notice a shift. As the client relaxes into the therapy, they visibly relax also, they bring in bags, coats. Their rigid body posture eases, they lean back into their seat, they use the cushions for comfort. They begin to claim their space, both physically and psychologically. The temenos is very in place at this point.

As a therapist, the space I claim for myself reflects my own emotional landscape. I have had to challenge myself (not always winning can I say) to take up the space I need and want. To claim my space and not feel guilty or ashamed. I even made the theme of my workshop at the end of my training about reclaiming space. It is my great hope that by claiming this physical space of my new consulting room, I too am taking the space I need to transform and grow. And in turn I very much hope this inspires my clients to do the same. 

And so, as I begin to settle into my new space, a space full of possibility, I will need to confront my fears and anxieties around claiming this space as my own. I hold in mind the following poem as a reminder that coming to an edge (be it physical or psychological) can be initially scary but ultimately liberating.

Come to the edge by Christopher Logue

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came, 

And he pushed, 

And they flew.