Suzie Chick

“Only boldness can deliver us from fear.” Carl Jung

(If you’d like to hear an audio version of this post, then head on over to my Substack!)

The other day I was lucky enough to be enjoying a facial courtesy of a very kind Christmas present (lucky me), and the therapist asked me to draw a card of affirmation. I looked down at the card I had drawn and the words “I am brave, I can do this” stared back at me. Instantly my heart filled with fired and my spine lengthened, such was the resonance that this card held for me. 

Being brave isn’t a natural quality for me, I err on the side of caution, I am risk adverse. To be brave is something quite foreign. I grew up in a household where the instant reaction to any invitation or opportunity was “no” followed by a panic whilst trying to find a reasonable excuse.  I learnt that to be brave, to seize the day, to say yes was something to avoid. Stay in the comfort zone, where things are safe (and a little dull). Stay where lives can be tightly controlled, where rigidity takes precedence over vitality and creativity. 

During a recent money coaching course, I heard a great phrase, “to feel faith but walk in fear”. In other words, you’ve got to be bold and take risks, put yourself fully out there. If it’s only half committed to, the universe (in my opinion) won’t be able to hear it and respond in kind. 

Carl Jung (quoted above) said that “We all walk in shoes too small for us” meaning that our adapted ways of being which are there to protect us, also limit our ability to live a full and meaningful life.  Jungian analyst, James Hollis explains that fear cannot be avoided in life but when it dominates and controls our lives, it can feel scary to take risks. He adds, “but it’s only through living that risk that we can get a larger life.”

Playing it safe is understandable, especially if we’ve been hurt or left disappointed in the past, but this strategy keeps us small. It’s a false sense of security. We stay in the familiar believing its secure, but true inner security comes from that knowing within ourselves that no matter what happens we will be ok, we can manage and cope. Staying small and not taking risks doesn’t allow that part of ourselves to be tested. 

So ok, enough chat, let’s take some action!

Top tips to a bolder, braver you (ggggrrrr)!

• Make it personal – Get a clear picture of what being brave means to you. We all have different definitions and thresholds. Knowing our values may help anchor us and keep us aligned to what truly matters. 
• Don’t overthink- Bravery requires action. Overthinking what/how/when is just plain avoidance. When it comes to being brave, once you have a step to take, try not to pause or doubt, just do it. 
• “Feel the fear and do it anyway”- Taken from the title of the 1986 seminal self-help book, it’s a catchy reminder that we can’t eliminate our fear but need to accept its presence and not let it stop us from reaching our potential. Doing something unfamiliar will always feel uncomfortable. We need to push through our discomfort and not let it stop us in our tracks. 
• Baby steps – It’s always best when trying something new (and a tad scary) to take baby steps not massive leaps. It makes the chances of success far greater and helps build up our confidence. Begin with small acts of bravery. For example, let’s say naming and asserting your needs is your version of being bold. So maybe clarifying any possible misunderstanding of your order in a coffee shop or restaurant would be a good small step to try first, then say going straight into a meeting with your line manager at work.
• Say YES – Once we are on the path to becoming bolder and braver in our lives, we may begin to notice opportunities arise which may help us with this very task. It’s important for us to embrace these opportunities and say “yes” whenever we can. Being bold is a like a muscle in the body, we need to build it up through regular use.
• Find support – As with a anything new, it helps to have a supportive group of friends, family, colleagues around us to act as cheer leaders along our journey. Surround yourself with positive souls, maybe people you admire for their boldness to act as inspiration and encouragement.
• Self-regulate – To help us manage our fear it’s always a good idea to know how best to self-regulate. What I mean by this, is when we’re scared, anxious, feeling hyper it’s useful to understand firstly what’s going on in our body and secondly how best to calm and sooth ourselves. When we’re hyper aroused (for example heart rate up, sweaty palms, feel fidgety) we can sooth ourselves into a regulated state of being through certain breathing techniques, visualisations, tapping and grounding exercises. It’s best to work out which strategy works best for you and then you can use it when things get a bit overwhelming.  
• Reframe failure – Often we might not be brave or bold in our lives for fear of failing. Our society prizes success above all else and so the notion of failure is something to avoid and feel ashamed by. However, if we were to have a different attitude where failure could be seen as an opportunity to learn and grow, then that might help us take more risks. We learn far more when we fail, then when we succeed.
• Flip the script– We are naturally risk adverse creatures. This originates from our cave men days where we had to be careful, vigilant, assess threat etc. We’re wired to protect ourselves. But if we can flip this script from “what if I fall?” to “what if I fly?” then we may approach becoming bold and brave in a more positive and hopeful manner. 

I firmly believe we receive what we put out into the universe, and so with my affirmation card stuck to the wall by my desk (no avoidance here my friend), I continue to try and be bold and brave in all I do. I’ll finish with the inspiring and powerful words of Brene Brown:

“There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we’ll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, “Don’t do it. You don’t have what it takes to survive the wilderness.” This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, I am the wilderness.””

Hear me roar! 🦁

Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash