Suzie Chick

“The way we feel about ourselves, will influence how we feed ourselves” Linda Cundy, attachment psychotherapist. 

Welcome back folks to my second little bite into the topic of emotional eating. Last month I covered the what and the why and so this month I want to cover how we can manage our cravings for food in times of emotional distress. 

Self-awareness – am I actually hungry?

Fundamental to the difference between emotional eating and regular eating is the absence of physical hunger. 

Some key questions to ask ourselves as we reach for the biscuit tin are:

• Am I actually hungry or am I eating to change the way I feel emotionally right now?
• What is it that I am seeking from what I am about to eat? 
• If I’m not physically hungry, what am I feeling right now?

Building in space to pause so you can have these reflections is important. It’s very common with emotional eating that we are completely unaware of what we’re doing. It’s like we’re on auto pilot. 

What I like to do is to put my go to foods in times of stress (chocolate is one of my absolute favourites for soothing me) in a place that is difficult to access, not impossible but just a bit trickier. Say putting my sweet treats at the back of a cupboard, or inside a tin. This slight difficulty often wakes me up from my stupor and allows the pause and reflection to take place. It allows me just a moment to realise what I am doing and to decide if I wish to continue. Other methods include leaving post it notes on the biscuit tin (one asking, “am I hungry?” I think would be a good idea) or photos of lovely memories nearby which might distract us for a moment and more importantly provide the soothing we’re looking for.

If you’ve been in and out of diets a lot, it can be quite tricky to identify physical hunger. Symptoms of physical hunger can include a grumbling tummy, feeling a little lightheaded or struggling to focus. One idea to try is to imagine your hunger on a scale of 10. So, 1/10 would be absolutely starving, feeling very week and eating is an absolutely necessity and 10/10 would be feeling completely full and satisfised, say after a Sunday lunch. You can use this scale as you go throughout your day, noticing your body’s needs and patterns of hunger. It should help you feel more connected to your body and its needs around food. 

Another tip is often we confuse thirst with hunger, so it’s important to keep hydrated by drinking water throughout the day.  When hunger happens, have a glass of water and see if the hunger persists. 

And if we catch ourselves about to eat out of stress, boredom etc, then our next challenge is whether we can do something different? Can we sit with and tolerate what we’re feeling right now and find alternative ways to sooth which are healthier? 

Know your triggers.

When it comes to emotional eating, there are two types of triggers. There is the difficult emotion (say stress or fear) which leads to the eating, and there is the food itself (sometimes referred to as the gateway food). 

Getting to know our triggers can help us feel more empowered and far more aware of why we keep getting stuck in this cycle. And we can then use that awareness to make positive changes. 

For example, say feeling anxious is a triggering emotion and one our go-to foods is cake. Then when we find ourselves in a situation where we’re feeling anxious (say the boss has just emailed and wants a meeting with us), we will consciously know I am anxious right now and therefore vulnerable to soothing this with food. And even better if say we keep our access to cakes to a minimum (e.g., don’t have them in our kitchen) then our gateway food is not readily available. We could instead keep food in our kitchen which we still enjoy but are less of a temptation and we feel less out of control around. 

A good way of getting to know our triggers is to keep a diary of when we’ve noticed that we’ve turned to food in times of emotional distress.  In the diary we could note:

• what had been happening that day, 
• how had we been feeling, 
• what we eat and 
• how we felt afterwards.

The NHS expand this diary idea with the following example table which borrows from CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).  It’s a simple idea but can be quite impactful when you see the same emotions driving the same behaviours time and time again. I especially like the last column where alternatives to eating are suggested. So, the next time we were say feeling stressed (as per the table example below) then we can skip to last column and give a friend a call instead of reaching for the chocolate bar.

Emotion	What does this emotion tell me?	How do I usually    respond?	Is this helpful?	How can I respond in future?
Boredom	I need something to do.	Have a cup of tea and two biscuits.	No. It stops me from managing my weight and I feel guilty.	Do a crossword.
Stress	I am struggling to cope.	Eat chocolate.	No. It stops me from managing my weight and I feel guilty.	Ring a friend.
Not able to sleep	I am in pain.	Drink a milky drink.	No. It stops me from managing my weight and I feel guilty.	Speak to your doctor about managing pain and sleep.

Mindful eating

One of the major traits of emotional eating is lack of awareness that we’re actually doing it (hence my recommendations above). Developing a practice of mindful eating can work well alongside the understanding what we’re experiencing and what might have triggered us into this behaviour. 

When we say mindful eating, we are essentially trying to engage with the present moment when we are eating, without any judgement.  We just notice, not judge.

I was once lucky enough to attend a workshop many years ago led by Andi Puddicombe (the original found of the meditation movement, Headspace). One of the tasks he got us to do was to hold a piece of chocolate in our hands and be mindful about its shape, colour, smell, the feeling of it in our hands, where it came from, it’s journey from the cacao tree etc. As you can imagine this took some time, my piece of chocolate was starting to melt! Then Andi instructed us to eat the piece of chocolate very slowly and to try and register all the taste and changes in form as it was consumed. 

Now I am not saying to do this with every bite of food, you would be at the dinner table for hours! But what I am suggesting is to savour our food more slowly and with more intention. To notice our food before we put it in our mouths. To be aware of the sensation of eating and then swallowing. 

To help encourage mindful eating try the following:

• Sit down to eat and make an effort with using a plate, cutlery etc. 
• Put your cutlery down after every mouthful.
• Take a moment to taste your food before you swallow.
• Try to avoid eating watching the television or being on your computer. Distraction can open the door to overeating.

By eating mindfully, you will increase your awareness in the present moment and avoid the mindless eating that can come when we’re struggling with difficult emotions. 

Alternative comforts

The key reason we turn to food when experiencing difficult emotions is to get comfort and feel soothed. So, it makes sense to develop some other methods of getting this kind of emotional relief which don’t involve food. That way we might turn to these other methods and reduce our need to eat emotionally. 

So, try to develop a little menu of ideas which you would find soothing and comforting. Maybe even create a box of these alternatives so you can start developing the habit of turning to the box instead of turning to the kitchen. The menu of ideas will be personal to you as to what you find soothing, and for example could include such things like:

• A playlist of music which you find calming, and which triggers positive memories and emotions.
• A scented candle which soothes and relaxes
• Some lovely bath oil which you could use while you have a soak (instead of a snack)
• Getting outside for a walk or even just to be in your garden as a soothing distraction
• Photos of times where you felt safe and calm.
• Phone numbers of friends and loved ones you could call for connection (science has proven socialising creates a similar response in the brain to that of junk food).

Develop structure.

Our bodies work best when they have a sense of rhythm and cycle. Just like a routine around sleeping, a structure focused on eating can also help encourage this. Our bodies will appreciate a regular routine around eating so that the digestive process has a sense of regularity.  For example, most of us will likely have experienced when we go away on holiday, how a disruption to that rhythm can play havoc on our bodies and its day to day workings.

Our bodies are wired to make sure we eat enough for our survival, hence why you might notice cravings get worse as the day progresses if we haven’t eaten enough. Making sure we have enough to eat is an important habit to develop. 

Creating a structure around mealtimes and eating patterns can help discourage the urge to turn to food when under stress (this is recommended as part of CBT).  For example, if we turn to late night snacking when we stress eat, we could ensure our last meal of the day is substantial and contains protein (which leaves us fuller for longer). 

Disordered eating is chaotic by nature, so implementing a plan (say 3 main meals and set snacks a day) can really help. This structure will need to be developed around your needs and existing schedule so that it has a good chance of actually working. 

Don’t deprive.

Part of this work to address emotional eating will more than likely be eating a more healthy and balanced diet (our cravings are rarely for berries or bananas)! It’s important to remember that word balance when it comes to our diet. It’s very easy to go all out at the start and ban all foods which we consider unhealthy such as bread or chocolate. Depriving ourselves of foods we enjoy only increases our cravings and then when we fall off the wagon (so to speak) we fall hard and fast, making ourselves more upset in the process. So, it’s always best to allow for food we turn to in times of stress in our diets, but for it also to be balanced with other food and eaten in moderation. 

Move your body.

Exercise can be an excellent way to manage stress. Getting our bodies moving, be it through a brisk walk, a yoga practice or a full workout, helps produce the feel-good chemicals endorphins and reduces the stress related hormone cortisol (the hormone which encourages emotional eating). Exercise also offers a distraction from our cravings as well as a sense of accomplishment when we’re done. Just even small changes can help, such as taking the stairs instead of the lift or leaving the car at home and walking to the shops. 

Eating to sooth and comfort ourselves when experiencing difficult feelings is not about greed or lack of will power. It’s a natural reaction and coping strategy often developed from our early experiences in life. 

I hope my two-part discussion has lifted some of the shame around this important topic. Becoming aware of ourselves in terms of our emotions and how our bodies are feeling are key elements to helping reduce our dependency on food to sooth and comfort.  So next time we wander into the kitchen for something to snack on, let’s be open and curious as well as being kind and compassionate towards ourselves. 

Photo by Divani on Unsplash