Suzie Chick

The sun is shining and the temperatures here in the UK have been rising (pass me the fan and a cold drink please)! So, it’s that time of year where I review some of the books that have been keeping me company (not cool alas) this Summer. I hope they inspire! 

Love’s Labour by Stephen Grosz

As a big fan of Stephen’s previous bestselling book, “The Examined Life” I was expecting big things from this follow up which focuses on couples and love. 

Stephen talks through various client case studies weaving his own experiences of working with them as therapist. There’s the woman avoiding posting her wedding invitations and then returns to therapy 26 years later. Another chapter discusses a delusional jealous husband convinced his wife is being unfaithful. And another explores the case of a young woman out of prison for fraud against her history of sexual abuse. Throughout these chapters Stephen weaves in theory and psychoeducation to help guide us through these experiences. 

The book is very well written and incredibly accessible. I found the structure and content of this book less solid and satisfying than Stephen’s last book. I guess it probably speaks to where the author now is in his professional and personal life, a therapist looking back on his career with more sentiment and less focus. I did appreciate Stephen’s candour and honesty as to his work with these clients. Am afraid for me Love’s labour doesn’t match the level of exploration or narrative of his previous work, but it was an enjoyable and enlightening read, nonetheless. 

Hagitude by Sharon Blackie

I’ve been following psychologist Sharon Blackie on Substack for a while but had yet to read any of her books, until now. I’ve always admired her use of myth, folklore and fairytale to help guide us through the rocky landscapes of modern life.

In Hagitude, Sharon lays out a guide for women to become an elder (as opposed to an elderly woman).  She explains that “our old women…show us how to live when everything we thought mattered to us has been stripped away; they teach us how to stay rooted in the face of inevitable death.”

I especially liked Sharon’s chapter on the alchemy of menopause and her exploration of female anger (the menopausal hot flushes being an expression of rage). She advises us not to look at menopause as solely an ending but also as a beginning. She explains that menopause allows our previous identities of womanhood and sexuality to be stripped (burned) away so that’s what’s left are the bare bones of us from which to build a new sense of self and identity. 

The majority of the book explores various older female characters in folklore and how we might manifest their qualities so to experience the fullness of elder life. These characters include the wise woman, the fairy godmother and the tricksters. 

As someone now crossing the threshold of middle life and experiencing the process of ageing, I found this book an incredibly inspiring and refreshing take on becoming older and wiser.  

Wise by Frank Tallis

I’ve enjoyed reading Frank Tallis previous work covering life challenges (check out The Act of Living or The Incurable Romantic) and this one did not disappoint.

The book concerns finding purpose, meaning and wisdom in later life (and is a lovely companion read with Hagitude).  Frank does a deep dive into the many psychological challenges we face as we age and develop existential anxieties. The author has clearly done his research covering a wide range of topics from Greek philosophers to the development of AI as he explores our pursuit of becoming older and wiser. 

I very much enjoyed (unsurprisingly) the later chapters where Frank covers the importance of psychological integration including confronting our shadow material. I especially enjoyed Frank using neuroscience to further support Jung’s idea of individuation. 

Frank doesn’t avoid bringing his own experience into this exploration, bravely describing as a young man how he ended up in a “cult-like” situation whilst seeking enlightenment. It’s when he relates the theory and research to real life experiences that for me the book comes alive. 

I found the book inspiring, written with depth and intelligence. In a world where wisdom appears, at times, to be short quantity we need more discourse on this important quality. 

Photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash